Only the Lord Knows......

I do know that The Lord puts us in places where we need to be and only gives us as much as He thinks we can deal with at the time.

On February 23, 2010 at about 6:40 p.m. the announcement of the closure of two schools in Apache Junction was presented to the Apache Junction Unified School District Board at a special board meeting. Silly me thinking I could handle this because I have known that this would be inevitable since around October. I thought I prepared myself better to go and be there as a representative of someone that opened TMMS (1997) and was living in the boundaries of Gold Canyon when it opened 25 years ago.

It was the hardest thing I have had to do in a long time. I knew it was going to be uncomfortable but never to this extent. What I really didn't expect was to have a few respresentatives of the district rally for a fair RIF matrix of staff because of the closures. What were they thinking!!!!

On one hand we have the closure of 2 schools and staff that are dealing with the closure of their schools, one 13 years and one 25 years. I wasn't thinking about where I would be next year, Nancy Combs wasn't thinking of where she would be, and some of the other teachers affected weren't thinking about where would they be! We were thinking (some of us at Thunder Mountain Middle School and Gold Canyon Elemenrary School) what will happen to the place we call home (the dedicated ones that spend more than 8+ hours a day there and weekends). It is the only constant in some of our lives. Most of us were thinking how can we go to school tomorrow and face our students without tears in our eyes or a lump in our throat. I don't have time to think about what will happen next year or where I will be because I STILL have students that depend on me to be there for them. They deserve to have me be the same person I was when I started this year.

How dare you worry about the matrix when I am worried about the students that have to leave this school or GC. How dare you talk about seniority when I want only the best teachers for my students! If you have to worry about this then really you must not be very secure in your ability to promote yourself or what YOU have done for kids lately. I know the impact I have on kids. I know what my principals, past and present, think of me. I know what students think of me. Do I worry about my job or lack of one next year? ABSOLUTELY! But right now I have to be there for my students. Maybe those teachers that are worried about their jobs do so because they are not doing what they need to do to secure it. Maybe those teachers do have seniority but do they do what is right by kids. If you have to worry about your job, then you AREN'T doing your job.

I woke up this morning and got ready for work like I always do. I went to Starbucks and saw Jenny, my daughter, there. I talked to her for a bit and got teary eyed when I told her about the board meeting. Jenny told me that so much has happened in the past year that has left me so raw and was understandable to be sad. I had put those emotional incidents aside because I know I have to be there for my students. When I drove away and pulled into TMMS I sat there for a bit. The lump in my throat was so huge I wasn't sure I could swallow my Chai. I walked to my room and sat and let the tears roll down.

Once again I have to say Goodbye to a friend. Almost 15 years ago I said goodbye to my best friend, Brian Hosey. I have never forgotten that day. When the end of June rolls around I always go to school to be by myself even if it is for an hour before the grandkids come. I pull out my picture of him and talk to him. I tell him how much I miss him and wish he was there with me. I sit and reflect on how much has happened since he left this world.

My mother died about 2 Thanksgivings ago. She always loved to hear about what I am doing at school. At that time my friend that replaced Brian at Four Peaks, Eric Samuels, was diagnosed with renal cancer. I watched his family go through the heartbreak of having Eric in so much pain. My friend, Beth was such an inspiration, to be with him every step of the way. He passed away at the beginning of this school year. My heart broke again.

In January I attended the funeral of my favorite substitute, Bill Cooper. He was the one substitute that I trusted with my lessons and kids. My heart hurt so much. I was so proud that I got up and spoke about Bill and the impact he had on Tara and on me. I am so glad I got to say this to his family. I told them how much he meant to me and how proud he was of his family. Bill and I spoke about our kids together and knew all of them through each of our stories. He would watch Tara and Trica play when his granddaughter from Coronado would play us. Tara got to know him well and would always go and hug him. I still love and miss you Billy Boy.

In May I have to say goodbye to my friend of 13 years, Thunder Mountain Middle School. You have been a wonderful friend and place I called my home-away-from-home for those years. Thank you for the memories, the laughter in your walls, the place that protected the students who attended since the beginning, the Pride of the Coyotes, and for many times that some of us teachers creeped in so early in the morning or very late at night. Thank you for keeping us safe and a place that we could be proud of forever. Your heart will be a part of our existence and will remain there until we meet again. I love you TMMS!

My Dear Lord, give me the strength to move forward because I know this is what you want for me. Thank you for giving me the time I had at TMMS with my friends there and my students. I have been the best teacher I could have been for all my students and am leaving this place with so many memories. Thank you for allowing me this time in my life to experience the wonderful people I call friends and the students that I have had the opportunity to be a small part in their lives. In your hands is my future. I trust you to make the best decision for me. Keep my students safe and would only ask for them to have the best teachers next year. I ask this in the name of Our Lord, Jesus Christ.